“If they can get you asking the wrong questions they don’t have to worry about the answers.” – Thomas Pynchon
1. Who says morning is the most productive time? Why do we have to start work in the morning? Why don’t night-owls rule society?
2. Why DO we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
3. Why in the U.S. are the polls (you know, those thing you vote at?) (yes, dear, I know that’s grammatically wrong; pay attention, or we’ll never get through this!) only open during working hours?
4. Same question re: banks. Don’t they WANT us to give them our business?
5. Why is the sky blue?
6. How come they don’t teach budgeting, checkbook balancing, grocery shopping – and bargain-hunting, job search skills, etc. in high school and college?
7. Why are bonuses taxed at 40% in the U.S.?
8. Why do cats always land on their feet and have to sleep on my computer – WHILE I’M USING IT?
9. Why are squirrels really nice when you DON’T have a dog, but the minute you get a dog, they turn into little harlots? “Wanna touch squirrellie?” “Don’t I have a nice tail?”
10. Why are people who own little, disgusting, barking, yappy dogs convinced that their dog is an angel – while it’s barking at effing THREE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING? (You know who you are…)
11. Why are people so rude? I mean, come on. If I’m walking on the sidewalk, TWO OBJECTS CAN’T OCCUPY THE SAME SPACE AT THE SAME TIME. It’s simple physics, people.
12. Why are CTA (Chicago Transit Authority) conductors so communicative when absolutely unnecessary (like, when we’re stopped short of a station with a train ahead of us, “We’re standing momentarily while the train ahead of us clears the station…”) and absolutely non-communicative during crises (like, when we’re stopped dead on the tracks, the conductor gets OFF the train to check out something on the tracks, then gets back on and we get underway without any explanation… what, did he see a donut or something??).
13. Why do people in public office lie and then stand by it when caught out on it, as though sheer repetition will make their lie true? (What? Of COURSE the sky is purple!)
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