13 Random Things. And if you have to ask, don’t.

1. When you “do the dishes,” they’re not done until they’re put away.

2. “Doing the dishes” means all the dirty dishes get washed. Not just the ones in the sink. Or on the drain board. Or on the stove.

3. When you are doing nothing but going to school, you damn well better be getting A’s and B’s – ESPECIALLY if I had to work full time, get an MBA (and a straight-A average) AND wrote a novel in 20 months. NO SYMPATHY.

4. When you walk out of the house in 90+ degree weather with 80%+ humidity, SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR.

5. Don’t sound surprised that I have air conditioning living in Chicago. I’m not 12 anymore, and I’m not homeless.

6. Stop making fun of me, ridiculing me, or even fucking commenting that I make lists. I like lists. They keep me organized. Deal with it.

7. Your disorganization and failure to plan do not constitute a problem on my part. Especially if I ask you, several times, ahead of time, to do things that would avoid said problem.

8. You don’t get to call me “anal” if you do #7.

9. Don’t stand there, in 90+ degree weather with 80%+ humidity, with the refrigerator door wide open, trying to figure out what’s in there that you can eat. It hasn’t changed since the LAST time you were in there, you helped me shop, AND I TOLD you what I bought. Use your memory.

10. Failure to use your memory is not solved by “I’m sorry.” It’s solved by FUCKING USING YOUR MEMORY!

11. Because I’m better organized than you does not mean I should do all the organizing.

12. Because I’m better organized than you does not mean I should be the one taking all the notes.

13. Don’t fuck with me before coffee or you’ll get an entire Thursday 13 post dedicated to you in absentia.

Any questions?