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A Catherine Noon

Explore the Worlds of A. Catherine Noon | Bestselling Author

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Pressure-Free Prompt from Writer’s Retreat: Faerries

A Catherine Noon

Farendorm strode along the passage, hit boots hammering out his annoyance. Brixa trotted behind, trying to keep up. Farendorm ignored him and kept going, flexing his right hand, ligaments cracking.

“Master, slow down…” Brixa murmured. “She’ll know you’re angered if you barge in!”

Farendorm whirled so sharply that Brixa collided with him, barking his nose against Farendorm’s sash buckles. He stumbled back, eyes wide.

“You think I am angered?” Farendorm demanded. “You think I should be calm? For THIS?” He brandished his left fist in Brixa’s face.

The domovoi watched it wave inches from his chin and then looked back up, black eyes worried. “Farendorm. My lord, please…”

Farendorm spun without replying and continued down the hall. After a moment he heard Brixa follow. He inhaled angrily and turned the corner to the royal apartments. He slowed, exhaling.

“All right. You’re right, as usual. I’ll be calm, Brixa.”

“Do you wish me to carry –”

“No!” Farendorm shouted. He looked down at his fist. “No,” he said in a softer tone. “No, I will carry it.” He swept forward, leaving the domovoi to follow in his wake.

The guards on either side of the door snapped to attention. “Milord Farendorm,” one said.

“Shall we –” the other started.

“No need,” Farendorm snapped and threw open the door. “Meliskinei!” he shouted.

“Father?” came the startled squawk. “I’m not dressed, Father!”

“Throw a robe on!”

She appeared around the side of her dressing screen and saw him. She saw what he held and her eyes widened. “Father…”

He brandished it at her. “What is this? In the ancestral home of my fathers and mothers, how could you bring such defilement here?”

She stared at him, eyes huge in a delicate face. She would be as beautiful as her mother, he reflected. If he let her live that long.

“But Father!” she wailed. “The iPhone is the best one!”

The best… He nearly crushed the white appliance in his fury. “And the pink…what are these, rhinestones?” he grated.

“That’s the bling, Father! Everyone has them! Sheniliei told me –”

“What of your mother?” he interrupted.

“What is this commotion?”

Farendorm froze. The Queen of Light and Fire moved into view from behind him, eyes flinty. No matter what he’d said to his daughter, he’d had no intention of telling his wife of this.

“Hello, dear,” he said casually, turning to meet her gaze. Her beauty reached out and slapped him, same as always. He smiled.

She blinked. He was not without his own beauty, Farendorm reflected smugly. He used it to full effect now and moved to take his wife in his arms.

“I was merely angered from a council meeting,” he said smoothly, handing the appliance to his daughter behind his back. She took it, eyes wide. He glared and she paled, knowing the argument was not over. “Come, love. I will tell you all about it over breakfast.” With a final glance at his daughter, he steered his wife toward their own apartment, Brixa trotting quietly behind.

March FADness: 03/31/2008: Deja Vu – Drabble; “Dialog” (100 Words)

A Catherine Noon

Dialog

“Gabriel, what you doing?”

“Nothing Michael. Why do you always have to pester me?”

“I’m not pestering you. That should be obvious by now. You’re drunk again!”

“I am not drunk, dammit! I only had three high-balls!”

“Three! In what, a half hour?”

“Well, you were late.”

“Late! I came here right after work, for the love of Pete! How much time do you think it takes to get here from the office?”

“You make everything so dramatic, Michael. I’ve been here for almost an hour.”

“It’s five-thirty! You’re leaving the office early now?”

“Well, I am the Archangel, Michael.”

March FADness: 03/30/2008: Music; Untitled (994 Words)

A Catherine Noon

Kita ran toward the village, the smoke too thick, almost, to breathe through. A stitch stabbed her side, interfering further with her breathing, but she pushed herself forward. The first screams floated toward her on the billowy clouds. They sounded disconnected, unreal.

“Please…” she gasped. “Please!” She didn’t know who she was speaking to. The gods themselves seemed to be absent, gone away from this hell of thick air and war.

She heard the Auntie’s voice, up ahead of her. Hoarse with age and smoke, the sounds hardly penetrated pass the beating of Kita’s heartbeat in her ears. Then a gurgled scream burst out and the singing cut off.

“No!” Kita shouted, spitting it into the clouds. She rounded the corner to the bridge and caught herself, barely. Her right shoe skidded forward and the sound of the gravel toppling off into the gorge clicked and clacked, echoing oddly.

The bridge was gone.

Kita sagged to her knees, too stunned yet to cry. Black smoke billowed from the temple, obscuring the running figures. Lumps strewn on the ground in front of the steps that lead to the door drew her eye. At least seven lay dead, cut down within sight of sanctuary. Auntie herself lay, limbs askew, sprawled on the stairs. Her blood seemed black at this distance when seen through the darkening smoke.

Sudden fury surged through Kita and she got to her feet. She positioned herself as Auntie had drilled, shoulder-width apart, weight forward onto the balls of her feet. She gazed into the distance, eyes on the temple but not seeing it. Taking a deep breath, she opened herself to the smoke, the blood, the battle. Girding herself in the sights before her eyes, she began to sing.

“Look! There’s one of them witches, right there!”

The harsh shout speared through the late afternoon and Kita took it. She wove it into her singing, her Weaving gaining power. Her arms started to tingle with the energy of it. Her hair crackled, static electricity developing around her. Her voice trembled at first with her youth and exhaustion. She held steady, as Auntie taught her, mouth open and throat throbbing.

An arrow speared across the gorge toward her, creating a weird vortex in the smoke as it passed. Her right hand raised of its own accord, palm out, and the arrow veered and then dropped into the gorge, falling end over end. The soldier across from her paled visibly.

“Shoot her!” The large man who yelled the command appeared from around the side of the temple, sword drawn and bloody. He strode up to his man angrily. “I said, shoot her!”

The soldier, more terrified of his Captain than her, obediently drew back and fired a second time. It followed its predecessor. The Captain watched it go thoughtfully, then looked up at her.

His gaze raked her, rude and harsh. She ignored it. She kept her mouth open, feet spread. She wracked her brain for every memory of Auntie, cycling through them one by one for songs and sounds to make. Her voice seemed to sing of its own volition now, flowing from her body like blood or water. Her hair floated around her like she was swimming and even her clothing moved as though in some kind of light breeze.

The Captain turned without a word and disappeared behind the temple. He appeared moments later with Shjango, dragging the boy by one arm. The Captain stopped where he was before and met her gaze insolently. He put the point of his sword against Shjango’s throat. A small line of blood appeared.

Something clicked deep within Kita. Her eyes closed and her head fell back. She felt her arms move, open wide, then turn palm up. Her voice poured out of her into the sky. She allowed her eyes to close and abandoned herself to the music, letting it have its way with her. The minute she did, her awareness deepened, as though her eyes had been a distraction.

She seemed to hear a deep drumbeat beneath her and realized it was the heart of the Earth. Throbbing just below audible range, it kept time to her Song. Her hands started to heat and then itched a little. She felt as though her voice were pulled from her by strong, sure hands and knew, suddenly, that Auntie was there with her.

“Hold firm, Kita,” Auntie’s Voice whispered. Other Singers appeared in her hearing, murmuring. Their susurrations comforted her and firmed her resolve.

Kita’s eyes opened and light blinded her. Blinking against it, she realized her hands were twin balls of flame. Moving without conscious thought, she brought her head up and locked her eyes on the Captain’s gaze. Kita smiled.

Flames shot forward from each hand, arcing across the gorge. They hit the Captain in the dead-center of his jerkin and threw him backward six feet. Shjango screamed and threw himself onto his face, crying into the dirt.

Kita turned her gaze to the soldier still standing, slack-jawed and stunned, next to Shjango. The flames licked backwards from the Captain and caught the soldier in a tornado. Kita moved through the village, her flame passing before her like wrath.

When the invaders all lay dead, Kita allowed her hands to close. The flames cut off like a faucet, dying into the Gorge like bright flowers. Kita’s voice faltered and fell silent. She sank to her knees in the dirt, tears on her face.

When the villagers finally got across the Gorge to retrieve her, they found her in that same position, hands palm-up on her knees. They carried her back to her hut and celebrated.

Some Songs are borne of light and life. Some come of anger. A few come of the desperation of a people, faced with sure extinction. On that day, in the small village next to the mighty Gorge, an old Singer is killed, and a new Singer is born.

Picture Prompt: Blue Highway (500 Words)

A Catherine Noon

“Hedges. Hedges, Wilhelm. Why is it always hedges?” Lars grumbled. “And look!” He pointed with an agitated arm. “Now they are putting hedges next to the trees!”

“Calm yourself, Lars. It’s not seemly to get so excited. It’s a beautiful morning,” Elder Wilhelm Yoder soothed. “Look there. You see how the trees form a line like they are walking to market?”

“Yes,” he sighed, “I see them.” He clucked at Mila and Kesta to hurry up. The two black mares obligingly moved into a light trot, their unshod hooves making soft ‘clops’ on the pavement.

The road was only two lanes. He and Wilhelm drove in the right-hand one. The English in this land drove on the right, but in their home country drove on the left. It numbered among the many things Lars didn’t understand. To the right of the white line separating the road, the ugly hedgerows began. Nearly waist-high and wide to the depth of his forearm, trees had been planted just beyond them, spaced evenly like in an orchard. But this close to the exhaust fumes of automobiles, the trees would be useless for produce. Another hedgerow started just after the trees, like a fence, and then the woods began.

“Are those Mr. Madden’s woods too?” Lars demanded, the thought popping unbidden to his mind.

“Mmm,” Wilhelm responded. “I do not know. Why is it you ask?”

Lars blushed and looked away. “Curiosity only, Elder.”

“We Amish are a curious people,” Wilhelm said softly.

After a moment, Lars realized he was teasing. “Forgive me, Elder. I feel out of sorts this morning.”

“And why is that, young Lars?”

“It’s Rebecca!” he burst out. “Viktor Sauder gave her flowers at the Meeting. Flowers!”

“It is Easter, my son,” Wilhelm said quietly. Then, “Are you out of sorts because you neglected to bring any?”

Lars shot a look at the Elder and found himself regarded by calm, age-filmed blue eyes. “Yes,” he said miserably and looked back at the road. “What if she chooses Viktor?”

“If you neglect to bring her any gifts, perhaps she will,” Wilhelm said gently. When Lars whirled to retort, he held up a hand. “I said ‘if,’ my son. ‘If.’ We go to market after Mr. Madden’s delivery.”

Lars stopped. That thought had not occurred to him. “I brought candles to barter,” he noted thoughtfully.

“Perhaps you should barter with Mrs. Mills, young Lars. She makes such pretty hair ties.”

When Lars met Wilhelm’s gaze, he found the old man twinkling at him. “Do you approve of the match?” Lars asked, greatly bold.

“I do, my son.” He patted Lars’s knee. “But first, to business. We have much work to do, and we are missing the scenery.”

Lars grinned and turned back to the road. The sun, not up yet, provided enough light that the woods were cast into bluish shadows. “Aren’t the hedges rather attractive in this light?” he asked the Elder.

Elder Wilhelm just smiled and settled deeper into his seat.

March FADness: 03/29/2008: Green; Untitled (387 Words)

A Catherine Noon

Sage Zelyoni thumbed through the huge pile on the table. She looked up, hazel eyes intent. “These are all the same person?”

“We believe so, yes,” Captain Kenning confirmed.

Sage pulled one from the stack gingerly, holding it by the corner. “This one…” she mused. She set it down next to the stack.

Lieutenant Bissel retrieved it, glanced once, and passed it to the Captain.

“Mmm,” Kenning responded. “New York.”

“Sorry?” Sage asked, looking up.

“New York,” he repeated, flipping it around so she could see. “The Norman heist.”

Her eyes widened. “My goodness.”

“So anything you could tell us would help, Miss Zelyozni.”

“Zelyoni,” she corrected. “Mrs.”

Kenning smiled, showing more teeth than usual. “Apologies.”

She thumbed through the stack again. “I’m very sorry, gentlemen. That’s all I can do.”

“Thank you for your time, ma’am,” Kenning drawled.

Sage stood. “Please call if you find anything else.”

“We will,” Kenning agreed, or threatened. It wasn’t clear from his tone.

Sage wound her way through the cluttered precinct, following the Lieutenant. Late afternoon sun shone in the windows and a cacophony of voices, telephones ringing, and printers going all at once threatened to give her a headache.

Lieutenant Bissel glanced back and saw her expression. “It’s loud,” he apologized.

“It’s energetic,” she returned with a shrug.

The remark seemed to please him and he smiled. In the lobby, he handed her a business card. “My name’s William. Call me if you think of anything else.” His fingers brushed hers as she took the card.

She smiled slightly and moved forward, out of the station. Once clear, she turned left and navigated around to the subway entrance a couple blocks away. She deposited the wig and yellowish contacts in the trash. The contacts looked good with her blue eyes, but they itched. Sage disappeared and Esmerelda Verde shook out her heavy mass of black hair. Esmerelda boarded the Green Line headed back into the heart of the art district.

She smirked. The police still knew nothing. Well, they knew the thief Jaguaro was a woman. But fully half the pictures they’d made Sage sit through weren’t even her. Esmerelda smiled. Tonight, she would torch the building housing ‘Sage Zelyoni Gallery’ and stop at the museum.

Before morning, the Russian Jades would be hers.

The subway rattled on, oblivious.

March FADness: 03/28/2008: MIA; “Severed” (364 Words)

A Catherine Noon

Severed

“Janie, you should eat something.”

“Mamma, don’t call me Janie. I’m not five!”

You know that sigh moms get when they’re pulling their patience from somewhere only angels live? Yeah. That’s the sigh she gave me. “Janice, you need to eat.” The serious tone of voice came out.

“I’m not hungry, mamma.”

“I know, baby. I know.”

She smelled good, like freshly baked pie and flowers. The skin on her arms was soft as she held me, but I could feel the age in her bones. My crying didn’t seem to faze her.

“I’m tired, Mamma.”

She laid her head on top of mine. “I know.”

Sounds and lights and color. That’s all I remember. The sounds don’t make any sense in my memory, just a jumble missing any context. Disconnected, like on an amusement park ride. I don’t recall the impact. We were just moving, and then we weren’t. They say your life passes before your eyes when these things happen. ‘These things,’ nice and sanitized. ‘These things happen,’ they say, like that’s supposed to make it okay.

It was Thursday. That much I remembered. Jonie had ballet class and John’s plane arrived early, so I took her with me to pick him up. ‘Triple J,’ John called us, or his ‘J and the Jayettes,’ like we were some kind of rock band. Jonie loved it.

Nine-eleven came and went and life went back to being life. I can’t really say ‘normal,’ because the country changed after that. I changed. Jonie’s only six. She didn’t change, she wasn’t born yet. My baby knows how to say terrorist.

How do you pick up the pieces of your life after that? The ballet practice that will never come. They said, God, that if I wrote it down, You would answer. How? I only lost my left leg. They lost everything. My Jays, and the rest. The truck bomb got fifty-two people in one shot, and they say it was driven by a woman.

Was she missing when she left that day? Did her family look for her, frantic with worry? Or did they console each other, shake their heads, and say, ‘these things happen?’

Picture Prompt 03: Ferret; “Untitled”

A Catherine Noon

I snapped the picture through the car window and sighed. Fourth effing ferret this week! I grabbed the purse through the open window and saw the Lovecraft book. Good Lord. Pseudo-intellectuals are entering the illegal ferret trade? With a pink purse?

I slipped the little guy out of his home, removed the gold pen from his little clawed hands and gave him a popsicle stick to play with instead. I put the purse back and went over to the van.

“Got another one, Luther,” I called.

“Be right out!” he yelled back.

I sighed and got in the front, the ferret in my lap. His tail was flipping back and forth and he pounced on one of the buttons of my jacket.

The radio crackled. “Hey Reece, you on?”

I picked it up and thumbed the talk button. “Yeah, Miller, what’s up?”

“You guys done with the mall yet? I’ve got another call.”

“Hey Luther, you about ready?”

He grunted and I heard a cage door close and latch. “Yeah!” He squeezed his bulk through the door between the cab and the back and got into the driver’s seat. “Oh. You need another cage?” he asked, seeing my burden.

“Yeah, I guess. He’s cute though.”

“Guys?” Miller asked.

“Oh, sorry Miller. Yeah, we’re about done. What do you need?”

“Possible puppy mill about an hour from your location. Local control called us, they don’t have a truck free.”

I met Luther’s shocked gaze and thumbed the radio. “Yeah. Send it to my blackberry; we’ll leave in five.”

“Gotcha.”

Luther reached around for a cat carrier we had behind the seat and I lifted my little friend into it. He clutched the popsicle stick in his paws but wriggled around, sniffing everything. The minute I let him go, he tried to come back out again.

“Oh no, old son, in you go,” I murmured, pushing him back. I latched the door and slid the carrier back against the side of the van where it wouldn’t move around much.

My blackberry vibrated. I pulled it out and looked at the directions. “Just get on the freeway westbound from here,” I told Luther. “Take it for about twenty miles and then a bunch of local streets. This place is kind of hidden.”

Luther started the van with a rumble. One of the cats we had in the back started meowing again, piercing and lonely. I sighed and shut the door to the back.

“Four ferrets and a puppy mill,” Luther sighed, pulling into traffic. “It’s a banner day.”

I dozed against the door until our exit.

“Hey, Reece. We’re here,” Luther woke me.

I rubbed my eyes. “Take a left at the end of the on-ramp.”

I pulled out the blackberry and directed him through the suburban sprawl. We ended up on a lonely road beyond the housing complexes, bounded on one side by a cornfield and the other by a cow pasture with four or five scrawny cows. We saw the rotating red lights up ahead.

“They brought the van for this?” Luther blurted, seeing the big incident-control vehicle beside the road.

I laughed. “Must be nice to have such a quiet neighborhood,” I said and froze. As we pulled past the van, the ambulance started its siren and pulled out in a spray of gravel. “What the hell?”

A big policeman with a budding paunch and no-nonsense expression flagged us to one side and Luther pulled over, rolling his window down. “Luther Foxglove and Reece Martin, Greater Metro Anti-Cruelty,” Luther told him.

The big man studied us. “See some I.D.?”

I pulled mine out and handed it to Luther, who handed both to the policeman. He grunted and handed them back. “I’m Sergeant Black. We’ll need you in a minute,” he said and turned away.

“Sir?” Luther called softly. “How bad is it?”

Black stopped but didn’t turn. “Bad,” he finally snapped, and kept walking.

Luther turned to stare at me and I swallowed. It was a puppy mill! How bad could it be?

We were finally allowed to get out of the van. The birds chirped, delirious with Spring. The breeze touched my hair, bringing a fresh smell of wet earth and growing things. It didn’t help to settle my tension. I grabbed two of the cages and Luther did the same, and we followed the silent Sergeant Black toward the big, white building just off the main road.

The smell started when we were still ten feet from the building. By the time we got to the door, I wanted to go home.

“Hey, Reece?” Luther said to me as we carried the fourth set of cages out of the building.

“Yeah?”

“Next time Miller calls, don’t get it, okay?”

I snorted. “Yeah.”

It took us three more trips to get them all out. Luther and I didn’t speak when we got into the van.

I reached around to the cat carrier and let the little guy out of his cage. He attacked my button again and I opened my jacket. He curled up on my stomach and fell asleep, one paw still holding the popsicle stick.

March FADness: Picture Prompt: 03/27/2008; Untitled (997 Words)

A Catherine Noon

“It’s got me!” Bob howled.

The others laughed. Becca stepped forward and gently pried the little lizard’s teeth off Bob’s finger and deposited it, wriggling, into a specimen pouch.

“That’s the last one,” Professor Parker said. “Let get back to the truck.”

Becca, Bob and Verne all nodded. Linda retrieved the specimens. Bob picked up the food pack and the others got their respective backpacks.

“Good show, guys. This is probably the last trip we’ll take out here before end-of-term,” Parker complimented.

A sharp report startled them. Becca looked toward the trees and saw a flash of color. Someone in a pair of black pants and red t-shirt was just beyond the tree line.

“Get back!” Parker snapped. “Behind the van. Now!”

“Verne!” Linda shouted.

Verne staggered and went to one knee, a crimson stain growing above his belt on the left side.

“Shit,” Parker snapped. “Go! Goddamit, go!” He swept his pack off and caught Verne before he fell. Parker hefted Verne into his arms to run behind the van.

Becca crouched almost under the bumper, shaking with reaction. Parker and Bob, who both knew CPR and first aid, muttered commands back and forth while Bob ripped through the first-aid kit. Parker pulled up Verne’s shirt to reveal a surprisingly small hole. There was a lot of blood. Becca swallowed hard and blinked away tears.

“This is Linda Kincaid.”

Becca jumped, eyes flying to Linda’s face. Her black hair was swept back behind her ears and she held a mobile to her ear with one hand, white from tension.

“I am a senior at Forest University. We’re on a field trip with Professor James Parker. One of our students has been shot.” She listened, nodding, and answered several rapid-fire questions. She hung up and looked at Parker. “They can get a helicopter to us in about ten minutes, there’s one at the Ranger Station for Search and Rescue. They’ll have police with them.”

Another loud gunshot made them all jump.

“Do we need to move?” Becca demanded, voice higher than usual.

Parker and Bob stared at each other. Bob shrugged. “I don’t know, Professor. If they move out of the trees, we’re sitting ducks.”

Parker leaned down and peeked under the van at the woods. “I can’t… wait. I see one of them now. Red t-shirt.”

“I saw him before,” Becca told him.

Parker glanced at her. “Do you know if he’s the one shooting?”

She stared at him, heart pounding. “I don’t know. I just saw a flash of color…”

Parker’s eyes softened. “Becca, it’s okay,” he said gently. “Bob was in the military, and I used to be an Army medic. We’re used to this. I don’t expect you to know what you’re doing.”

“Is Verne going to be okay?” she asked, voice hoarse.

Parker looked down at Verne, who had passed out against Bob’s legs. “I think so. It’s a clean wound and missed anything vital.”

A ‘fump, fump’ sound intruded on Becca’s attention and she looked around wildly.

“It’s the helicopter, Bec,” Linda said softly. “Look.” She pointed behind them to a brown and green helicopter sweeping up the valley, low to the trees. It came on, incredibly fast, and zoomed over to swing in a tight circle around their van and the trees where the red-shirted man hid.

“This is the California State Police,” a man’s voice boomed from the helicopter. “Place your weapons on the ground and lace your hands overhead.”

A sharp gunshot sounded from the trees, muffled by the noise of the helicopter. A bass boom responded and wood splintered. Becca screamed.

“This is the only warning you will receive,” the voice intoned. “Weapons down, now!”

There was a pregnant pause, filled by the steady ‘fump, fump’ of the helicopter blades.

“Look!” Bob hissed, pointing.

The man in the red t-shirt stumbled out from between two pines, fingers laced on top of his head. He kneeled down about ten feet in front of the trees in clear sight of the helicopter. After several moments, two others came out, both in blue jeans and white t-shirts. One was limping.

The helicopter appeared to step backward and then dropped to land, surprisingly gently, on the open ground between the men and their van. Becca’s hands tingled and she felt a rushing in her head from adrenaline.

Two well-muscled men in orange coveralls raced over to them, a stretcher held between them. They skidded to a stop next to Verne and bundled him onto it, strapping him in. Bob identified himself and ran in a crouch back to the helicopter with the two men.

After several more minutes passed, one of the taller policemen made his way over to them. He grinned widely when he saw the Professor.

“Jimmy!” he boomed. Becca recognized the voice from the helicopter.

“Trevor?” Parker echoed in surprise. “What the hell are you doing all the way up here? I thought you were at Yosemite!”

“I was. Got transferred this week, haven’t had time to call you.” His face darkened and he glanced back at the men being handcuffed. “What the hell happened?”

“I have no idea,” Parker answered. “We’re doing our last collection for the term. They just started shooting. We have no idea who they are.”

Trevor looked back, eyebrows raised. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, why?”

Trevor chuckled. “We’ve been trying to find these guys for two months. Run a drug ring up here. Looks like a deal went bad. You’re likely to get a reward, they’re wanted real bad.”

Parker looked startled. “You’re kidding!”

“Nope,” Trevor answered. “Good job, all of you.”

Linda smiled weakly. “Hey Professor. Is this gonna be on the final?”

They all laughed, some of the tension easing. Becca got into the van gratefully, looking forward to going back to school and to see how Verne was doing. She watched the helicopter lift off, Verne hidden inside. It swept from sight, the wind of its passage blowing the branches around wildly.

Thursday 13 – 138th Edition

A Catherine Noon

My Thursday Thirteen…

13 Reasons to Visit Chicago

1 – Noony
Duh.

2 – The Art Institute Chicago
One of the best museums in the country, the Art Institute also has a well-regarded school.

3 – Brookfield Zoo and Lincoln Park Zoo
Sister zoos, Lincoln Park is in the heart of Chicago and boasts the Farm in the Zoo; Brookfield has the incredible Regenstein Wolf Woods.

4 – Chicago Botanic Garden
An amazing and beautiful place. Once you come, you won’t want to leave. Extensive classes available in all manner of botanical interests, from the casual to the esoteric.

5 – The Field Museum
One of the better-known anthropology museums in the country, the Field also provides extensive research in the field both in their extensive archives and in the, er, field.

6 – The Sears Tower
Across the street from Noony’s office, as a matter of fact. Notable for the fact that the elevator to the top of the Tower does not have cables – it’s run by pneumatics. A fact they tell you AFTER you’re already ON said elevator. EEP?

7 – The John Hancock Building
Come visit the restaurant at the top of the Hancock. There’s a building over by the Sears Tower that’s part of Union Station, that was used as a “test” for the Hancock. It’s the tallest building with an exoskeleton – those big, black diamonds are holding the building up. Also, supposed birthplace of famed Church of Satan founder, Anton LeVey.

8 – A Boat Tour: Mercury or Sea Dog Speed Ferry
Mercury runs some of the best tours on the Chicago River, and you get to go through the locks. The speed ferry is awesome – a speed boat, ferry-sized (and when they open that puppy up, you FEEL it).

9 – Shedd Aquarium
Here, fishy fishy! Travel through several distinct marine and aquatic habitats, including some that humans live in. Ooh and aah at the cetacian enclosure and get up and personal with a dolphin.

10 – Adler Planetarium
Home to Doane Observatory, an actual working radio telescope. Regular lectures by notable personages in the fields of astronomy and astrophysics, including Brother Guy Consolmagno, an Astronomer to the Pope.

11 – Millennium Park
Newly completed, this is an incredible place. Come see the Bean and ice-skate downtown. Come visit a multi-million dollar garden – oops, look out for the rabbits! Rabbits cost the City several million dollars in nibbled foliage since the park opened. And they breed like, well, rabbits!

12 – Ravinia (in the summer months)
The oldest outdoor music festivals in North America, Ravinia has an amazing lineup from jazz to rock to dance. Their schedule is constantly changing and developing and they publish a lovely full-color catalog every year. If you have the chance to go, do it – the lawn seats are worth it, and very reasonably-priced. You’ll take home a piece of history.

13 – Buckingham Fountain
This is one of the first landmarks I saw when I came to the city nearly a decade ago. Modeled after one of the fountains at Versais, it is larger and more grand (which is indicative of the personality of Chicago – we have one too, but it’s bigger!).

To arrange a tour of these and other fine locations, please contact Noony and your local travel agent. We’ll see you here! (That’s an order, luv!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

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March FADness: 03/26/2008: Click Clack Moo; “Farmer Brown’s Secret” (551 Words)

A Catherine Noon

Farmer Brown’s Secret

The big man with the fluffy white hair shook his head, mane bouncing. “I don’t know how you do it, Farmer Brown.”

Farmer Brett Brown shrugged, and smiled at Bessie. “I don’t either, Mr. Vice President. But our lady cows have the latest in technology.”

Mr. Vice President, who Bessie knew was called Dick Cheney, laughed. “Technology can solve many problems! What are you using?”

“Moocrosoft Barn Door, sir. Hot off the press. It’s a lot better than Moocrosoft Pasture. Pasture was too slow and prone to weeds.”

One of the men in black suits stepped up to Mr. Vice President and whispered something. “Yes, Charlie. Thank you,” Mr. Vice President said. He turned to Farmer Brown. “What about the Democratic National Committee? They’re not going to sit still while we create a grass-roots campaign you know.”

Farmer Brown smirked. “We’ve got that under control, sir. Let me introduce you to the Republicans’ latest ally.” He turned and led the way out of the barn.

Bessie stepped through her gate to the outside paddock and walked along beside the two men, the knot of men in black suits hanging back a bit. They walked down the dirt road and stopped at a small wooden building with wire mesh over its windows.

“This is the latest. My son Bobby thought it up, sir. It’s called Project Foxtrot.”

Mr. Vice President bent and squinted through the window. All of a sudden he shouted and jumped back. The men in black suits came running up, guns drawn, and Mr. Vice President waved them off. “It’s all right, boys. It’s all right. False alarm!”

They stumbled to a stop, appearing to Bessie to be faintly disappointed. Farmer Brown bent and coo’d at the occupant of the enclosure. He looked up at Mr. Vice President. “Her name is Hillary. Isn’t she great, sir?”

“She’s … um,” Mr. Vice President hedged.

Farmer Brown straightened, eyes understanding. “You don’t see it yet, sir. She’s a fox. The best one in the county. Steals more chickens than any four foxes you ever saw.”

Mr. Vice President’s eyebrows came up, impressed. “You don’t say!”

“She’s perfect. Mr. Dean has filled the Democratic National Committee with what he thinks is the latest competition to our girls.” Farmer Brown grinned and winked at Bessie. She winked back. He stared a little and then turned back to Mr. Vice President. “You see, sir, they got a shipment from Germany, sir. But their girls aren’t nearly as good as mine, see. Apples to oranges, you ask me.”

“Farmer Brown, I don’t follow you,” Mr. Vice President admitted.

“Chickens, Mr. Vice President. They’ve hired German chickens to handle their national policy!” He chortled gleefully. “We’ll have ‘em snowed under in no time! My girls are faster any day, and twice on Sunday!”

“Faster?” Mr. Vice President wondered.

Farmer Brown beamed at him. “Yes, sir! They only use the hunt and peck method, see.”

Mr. Vice President’s eyes widened, and he glanced down at Hillary. “You don’t say,” he murmured.

“So,” Farmer Brown started. “What do you say to some of Mrs. Brown’s famous cherry pie?”

Bessie watched the two men, followed by the hoard of men in black suits, wander slowly back up to the farmhouse.

“Okay, girls,” she said. “Let’s get back to work!”

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